Bang Niang and Khao Lak- 26th November to 1st December

So, back to the mainland. We had seen a bit of heaven, could anything match up? The answer is yes (at times). a coach down the coast takes us to Bang Niang. The area was one of the very worst hit by the 2004 tsunami, and the town is still in the process of putting itself back together- the pavements were still being laid about a mile in, and they have drydocked a police boat where it landed on the day, about a mile and a half from the sea. The whole town is newly built, and whenever you realise this, the memory of what people have been through hits you hard.

That said, it is a beautiful seafront, and the first night, we ate in a nice restaurant at the top of the bay, sat at a table so close to the sea you can literally (actually literally, not figuratively) touch it. The days are spent lounging on the beach, enjoying the 5km of uninterrupted sand and bar.

In the evenings, we visit the night market, where the grill stalls are immense, although Ben tried a noodle sausage which was texturally unique and somewhat confusing when you expected meat! One evening, we looped down to the far end of the beach, via a roadside food hut, and made our way back along the 3 miles of beach, darting into little bars all the way back to town, by which point we are very merry. Halfway down the beach, our way is cut off by a river outlet- unlike in Koh Phayam, we don't have to wade through, as an enterprising bar owner had set up a shuttle raft, at 10 baht (20p) a go. I imagine he makes a lot of money from this! We also hear a lot of 90's reggae in the bars, Big Mountain's version of Baby I Love Your Way being a personal highlight! We eat from a streetside barbecue, delicious satay kebabs and squid.

The next day, we move about a mile down the road to Khao Lak, where a badly insect infested room earns us an upgrade to a high end hotel- very nice! We spend the day on free beachside loungers, in a tree lined peaceful corner of the beach. Huge waves make swimming exciting, and we drink from freshly fallen coconut shells. Both ends of the culinary scale are reached, as Ben eats a double Big Mac (four burgers!) for lunch, and a Northern 'Jungle Curry' for dinner, which is the hottest thing he had eaten for ten years, when an error in an Indian restaurant led to his being served a vegetable phall, and politeness kept him from sending it back! The flavour and tender beef makes the agony and sweat well worthwhile, and we get ready to depart for the isle of Phuket the next day.

Koh Phayam- 21st to 26th November

So, a short ferry ride from Ranong, there are two little islands. Unlike Ko Phi Phi, Ko Lanta and such, they haven't yet been completely colonised by tourists. They are, to all intents and purposes, what Jenny and I had in our heads for what we wanted to do in Thailand. Ko Chang (West) and Koh Phayam are tiny little islands, with no cars, and miles of unspoilt beach. In short, paradise.

You get across the island on the back of a motorbike, along what is little more than a pathway across the island, which is a little white knuckle when you have a 20kg backpack on, and then have to hike along the beach to the accommodation. We went at full tide, which meant we had to strip to our pants to cross the inlet blocking the beach, which is fun when carrying all your possessions 2 miles up a sandy beach!

The accomodation is in bungalows on the beach, which were charming, with hammocks outside. We spent a lot of time outside, as there is only around 4 hours of electricity a day from generators (and as such no Wi-Fi, which may be one of the reasons there are also less idiots!). We had 3km of beach, shared with maybe 100 other people, and a little cafe on the beach front, with little bars and restaurants either side of us. The cafe was a lifesaver, as you can't boil a kettle for 20 hours of the day!

The island's main trade is in cashew nuts, and you can get enormous bags for a few Baht fresh from the farms. Beyond that, there is little to do, but relax, swim and eat. Which basically sums up why it was so perfect (but bloody difficult to write about afterwards!).

We became one with nature- Geckoes and ants for their dinner were always around, and three times we met a bat in our outside bathroom!

The residents are lovely too. After a day of too much sun, Ben tried (in vain) to find some after-sun to calm the burn. A friendly shopkeeper led us to fresh Aloe Vera cacti, and cut off some tips- the freshest after-sun you can get, and much needed!

All in all, possibly one of the most beautiful places we've ever seen.

Hua Hin, Chumporn and Ranong- 16th to 20th November

So, a night bus to Bangkok brings us back to the bustling city for all of 4 hours, where we decide to quickly move on and start exploring the South. A nice train is quite a relief, and we get some fish curry for lunch, much needed after the little sleep on the night bus.

Hua Hin Station is beautiful, and the town is a regular holiday destination for Kings of Thailand
for 100 years.

The town itself, however, has sadly these days become somewhat of a destination for what the Thai's call farang khee nok, (bird shit tourist) a term for poorly dressed white people with no manners who may or may not be looking for... company. However, if you ignore the disturbingly regular offers of a massage, the little laneways of the town are quite charming, and once we found somewhere that wasn't serving burgers or schnitzel, there are some lovely restaurants. Sun dried beef and freshly caught mackerel hot and sour soup.

Nice restaurant, terrible hair.

We visited the beach, and had our first dip in the Gulf of Thailand, which was warm and lovely. There were horses riding along the beach too, which was a little surreal. And quite a lot of half naked elderly white people.

The next day, we hopped on a train to Chumporn, which was, as ever, delayed, apparently due to the King arriving in town. Ben chanced the smoking area, which was just an open door on the fast moving train, and frankly was so terrifying, you'd need another cigarette to recover! We arrived very late- even the tuktuk drivers were going home, and dinner, by necessity was some crisps and cereal we had left in our bags, as all the food places were closed! It was only ever a little stopover on our way down (apparently the town's best feature is it's boats out to the islands!). But here's a picture of the hotel, and Jenny in a Tuktuk.

We got a bus from here to Ranong, a port town on the opposite coast, and a popular place for Burmese people to try to sneak into the country. We arrived expecting only a stopover in an bland port town, but found ourselves in the mountains at the side of town, with gorgeous views!

 

We were pretty much the only Westerners there (a lovely contrast with Hua Hin- I think we had become racist about ourselves), but lots of Thai tourists come to enjoy the rejuvenating properties of the natural hot springs. Everyone was really helpful and friendly, and we had one of the nicest and unexpected evenings of our trip.

After our nice dip in the red hot water (some brave/stupid people were dunking there whole bodies in!), we proceeded to drink a whole lot of Chang beer and eat 5 spice pork and shumai.

Yes. THAT drunk...

Vientiane (part two)- 6th to 15th November

A return to Vientiane. Originally we had planned to travel down to the 4000 Islands in the South, but were advised not to with the onset of Typhoon Haiyan, and the continued case of... ahem... digestive system delicacy (WHO KNEW THIS COULD LAST 2 WEEKS!)

As a result, this will be a shorter entry than usual. Firstly, this might have been the nicest hotel of our entire stay- the Vientiane Garden Hotel. Populated by a nice mix of travellers and Thai holidaymakers, with incredibly comfortable rooms (an essential when you're unable to leave!).

Secondly, I haven't gotten across just why we loved this city quite so much- I've found a nice article by somebody else which I hope sums it up better!

It really is amazing- I wish we could have had at least another week here, it is such a warm, interesting and laid back place.

Vang Vieng- 31st October to 5th November

What better way to spend Halloween that with a drive through the mountains with a certified psychopath. 15 terrified tourists in a minibus taking corners that a man and his goat might struggle with at about 70mph! After 2 hours of unbridled terror, we arrived in Vang Vieng, a tiny town, nestled between enormous mountains, with a river running through the center.

The view from our room.

 The town is very chilled, with most of the bars laying out the tables as beds that you lie down on, with cushions and such, and nearly all of them show endless repeats of Friends, South Park or Family Guy to lure in homesick tourists! The town used to be more of a piss up paradise, with tubing- literally floating down the river from bar to bar in a tractor inner tube- being the town's main selling point, but the river front bars have been closed as a result of one too many drownings! You can still go tubing, minus the booze, and it was a great way to see the gorgeous scenery (sadly we didn't get pictures due to the camera not playing well with water!)

The last waterfront bar!

You can also walk out into the mountains and explore, in what is an incredibly wild and beautiful corner of Laos, although it is very easy to get lost before you even get near the mountains if you are an idiot. (Ben is).

YEAH COWS!

 Unfortunately, the week then took a turn for the worse, as the dreaded traveller's stomach struck- thank god we had a nice hotel, and a pharmacist who spoke good English! As a result, the following few days are probably a little unpleasant to report (and no, we took no pictures of the view...) but the smallness of the town was an advantage, as we could get takeaway when we needed it, and were never more than a panicked sprint from relief.

Even so, we ended with a gorgeous dinner by the river, with steamed chicken in banana leaf, lemongrass skewers and sticky mango rice.

As there are a lack of pictures, to finish, here are a couple of lovely bits of 'Engrish' from menus:

Never let me down yet...

Vientiane (part one)- 27th to 30th October

After crossing the border on foot, we arrived in our third Communist country, Laos! A quick bus over the Friendship Bridge, and a tuktuk into town and we were in the Lao capital, Vientiane. The word capital almost feels inappropriate here- even city feels strong, as it's so laid back here, it is more like a small town, save for the inevitable Asian lunatic traffic!

Our first hotel was seconds away from the Nam Phou Fountain square, where live musicians performed evening.

Nam Phou fountain

The center of town is set at the edge of the Mekong river, so you are looking back over into Thailand as you walk along the front. All along the front there is an enormous market, selling pretty much everything you can think of. Every single stand is red, and it paints the whole front that colour. On the day we arrived, there were also enormous public exersise classes going on, with hundreds of people taking part, which was very entertaining to watch. Especially when you're still sleep deprived and bewildered from the journey the night before!

The night market

The large part of the first two days was spent in the Kafkaesque nightmare of ferrying back and forth to the Thai Consulate to obtain our visas to return and explore the South of Thailand. However, the journey there gives you a view of the impressive Patuxai, a Lao copy of the Arc de Triumph, made slightly larger. This was built using concrete the Americans had donated for a airstrip (possibly out of guilt, the country was badly hurt by the Vietnam war, despite not officially being involved), and as a result, has the amusing nickname of 'The Worlds Tallest Runway'. It's still impressive the fifth time you go past!

Patuxai

Lao cuisine is also amazing! Their national dish is Laap, a mix of minced meat (traditionally eaten raw), sweet basil and mint that is delicious. Beerlao is great ('Beer of the Wholehearted People' is a great slogan too). Laolao, a blindingly strong rice whisky is very popular, and does this;

Before

After. It tastes like burning.

The best restaurants in Vientiane appear to be the worst looking- on one street there are five consecutive cafes all cooking amazing food for around 10,000 kip (just shy of a quid), under a crudely fashioned covering made out of old canvas and beer adverts, with kitchens made from a gas bottle and some knocked together metal, serving barbecued meats, spring rolls, fresh coconut and fish caught 30 metres away in the Mekong. Not a bad meal between them.

Great restaurants- they look terrible!

And despite very strict laws prohibiting such recreations, we were offered opium, and the services of a transvestite. Which was kind of them.

Ayutthaya- 23rd-26th October... and the train of doom!

Firstly, sorry for the lack of updates.  To spoil the surprise, we're now in Melbourne, and have been busy looking for gainful employment! Should speed up now we're settling!

Ayutthaya was our next stop, a mere 7 hours on the bus down the road! We got there, and our hotel was... limited. We decided that sleep there would be impossible, so elected to move down the road to a nicer (and cheaper) establishment. This took us till midnight, and Ben got chased by a pack of feral dogs. Ben insists these were  tiger sized Rottweilers. Jenny is certain it was a pack of fluffy Shihtzus. The truth may never come out!

Regrettably, Ayutthaya was probably the first disappointment of the journey. Mainly concrete and traffic, with none of the charm of the prior few towns. I think that we both had a spot of temple fatigue after the charm of Chiang Mai, and the Indiana Jones scope and size of Sukhothai. As a result, we were much less snap happy- hence the lack of photos herein!

Due to the length of Thai visas, and that we wanted a change of scenery, we decided that our next stop would be a visa run to Laos. We booked onto the night train to the capital Vientiane, and readied ourselves for the 15 hour journey! As we had checked out of the hotel at midday, we had an 11 hour wait to even go to the station, so spent the day idling and eating- our favourite pastimes!

Waiting for the train at Ayutthaya. Chang beer model's own.

Our sleeper cabin seemed okay on arrival, and we went to the restaurant car for a snack and a few beers, and met the real life Borat! He was from a small disputed territory of Georgia and Russia called Abkazia (which actually has quite an interesting history if you like that kind of thing). He showed us a picture of his alarmingly young wife, and offered to introduce us to a Triad arms dealer in Bangkok on our return to Thailand. Suitably intrigued, inebriated and terrified, we returned to our room, sadly to find that cockroaches had settled in. We slept as best we could (Ben, being quite tipsy slept very well...) and woke up to find ourselves by the Mekong river, the border of Thailand and Laos.

Our luxury room. And appropriate Hitchcock film...